I realize that some moms out there are just awful mothers. Let’s be honest. I’ve been a close witness of and close friends to people whose moms are abusive, promiscuous, alcoholics, absentee, drug users, or behind bars. Also, other moms who are self-righteous, demeaning of their husbands, extremely hypocritical, self-obsessed and have full-fledged stubbornness or rage issues bordering on the demonic. Some mothers, for one reason or another, are just expert homewreckers… whether they intend to be or not.
I recognize that forgiving a mother like that takes nothing less than all the grace of God. [But it is possible. It is not only possible; it is 100% necessary if we claim ourselves to be one of the hopeless, undeserving souls whose debt Jesus paid completely.]
However, most mothers do not fit the above descriptions. Let’s talk about the mom who probably more closely resembles ours.
The average mom makes mistakes. Big ones.
The average mom tends to talk too much, or not enough.
She’s probably either too much of a clean freak or too much of a hippie;
too much of a spender or more stingy and therefore “isn’t as fun as dad.”
The average mom has no idea what she’s doing.
If she loves Jesus deeply and has a relationship with Him, she’s leaning on Him with everything she has to figure out how to deal with every single next step… or even just the next day.
The average mom also loves her children more than they will ever know until they have children.
The average mom has more on her mind, in her schedule and on her worry radar than anyone usually understands or appreciates.
She is scared stiff of failing as a mom, whether she's the type to show it or not.
She probably tries to be perfect, or close to it, and not just for her reputation or your dad but for you.
But the average mom is messy and imperfect and seemingly short-tempered at times (often driven there by her offspring!), and unashamed of expressing the amount of love and concern she has for her kids.
Her blind, self-centered children most likely cause her, at one point or another, more pain and tears than they ever realize at the time. Or perhaps ever.
Moms want their children to be healthy and happy and have a good life. So their actions usually reflect whatever they think will bring that about. Whether those actions are right or wrong, the motive is usually a loving one.
And this brings me to my whole point.
I am at retching-level sick and tired of watching the way so many grown people treat their mothers. [Their fathers, too, but that’s a different topic for a different day.]
Hopefully you realize that just being a teenager gives no one the reason nor right to be sassy, rebellious, snotty or cold with their mother. But if you never did get that memo, and you’re an adult now—What the heck are you still doing??
Maybe you've had vicious arguments (in which you probably just assumed you were right when you were actually too big for your britches). Yes, she’s hurt you. You’ve hurt her too. (My mom and I are no exception.) Maybe she's caused you legitimate damage and heartache. Please understand that I am in no way dismissing it. But isn’t it time to let go of that and start afresh? Of course she’s wronged you. Who are you? Jesus?
Of course our parents were faulty. We will be, too. We are human beings with a flesh that wars against the spirit. We look to God to be made holy, but in this life we still sin.
So, what if your mom always reminds you to wear your seatbelt even though you always do? Is it going to hurt you to say, “Okay, mom”?
So what if she expresses something for the hundredth time?
So what if she enjoys bragging about you to her friends, or scrapbooking your life?
So what if she does or says things that actually do sort of embarrass you? What's that to you?
You're an adult; she's not going to actually prevent you from your adrenaline-fix activities. So let her show her concern anyway. Listen to and respect her, even when you disagree with her.
Let’s be real: She carried you around inside of her for the better part of a year and then shoved you out of a space that wasn’t exactly your size. And then, to keep you alive, she probably literally fed you with, well, herself. And she changed your stinkin’ diapers several times a day. For a LONG. TIME. You kept her awake for countless nights with your screaming, but she dealt with it. And that’s not even getting started on just the practical things, in just the first week of your life. And, wonder of wonders, she actually loved you through all of it and enjoyed you. I mean, SERIOUSLY………
Let her in on your life. The coy, immature “It’s MY business and I don't have to keep you in the loop” information-deprivation-tactic – really? Still?? That’s so 9th grade. (And it shouldn’t have been okay even then. Especially then.) Let her be protective and give you stuff and be excited for you. Let her say what she feels and repeat her stories. Spend time with her. Let her kiss you on the cheek. Hug her when she cries because you’re leaving. Because, as hard as you try, you probably have no idea what she feels for you. And she’s not going to be around forever.
I'm guessing your friends would never get away with stuff like that. But she’s not exactly just a friend. She’s like no one else in the world. She’s your MOTHER, and all that stuff she does that is unique to her is called MOTHERING, for crying out loud. She’s earned it.
I get that moms can be “annoying” sometimes (I guess—I’ve never really experienced it). They don’t always make perfect sense to those of us who are not mothers. I know mine doesn't always. But isn't that beside the point? What if yours is downright “annoying?” Can't you display some grace and maturity, laugh it off, not make it about you in the first place, and go along with her for once, out of respect and because you love her?
We have but one life during which we have the opportunity to love sacrificially.
Being “too good for” or “embarrassed by” one's mom is for stuck-up, arrogant, ungrateful jerks and prisswads. As which none of us would probably like to categorize ourselves.
Not that I feel strongly about this or anything.
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PS: God puts a high value on this stuff. Old Testament Mosaic Law or not, these are a peek into how He feels about it...
"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."
"...For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
(Matthew 6)
"'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'"
(Ephesians 6)
"Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old."
(Proverbs 23)
"The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures."
(Proverbs 30)
“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear."
(Deuteronomy 21)
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