Wife stuff that bothers me.

Fellow wives, soon-to-be wives, and may-be-wives-in-the-future (in other words, every woman out there): 

Do you realize we are called, commanded, to “reverence” our husbands? REVERENCE. So I’m thinking about the word, “revere," and the fact that it goes beyond niceness, grudging obedience, even love.

A thousand times I've heard this: “You don’t know him… he doesn’t deserve to be reverenced.”

Of course he doesn’t.

You and I don’t deserve to be loved sacrificially, unconditionally, AS CHRIST HIMSELF LOVED THE CHURCH and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER, either. Yet that is what husbands are called to.

“Well he doesn’t love me like that. He’s not holding up his end of the deal.”

Does that make it harder, sometimes seemingly impossible? For sure. But does it actually matter? Is that what we’re going to tell God when we stand before Him one day? I sure don't have the guts for that. We are responsible only for the commands given us, not the commands given to our husbands.

In the military, you show a particular level of respect for your authorities not because they deserve it – they often don’t – but because there is a higher regulation, put in place for many good reasons, that says so. Well, I feel like we as believers have it easier. 

Why? 

We are called to show that respect and submission to our husbands not just out of adherence to some steely regulation, in fact, not only out of our love for our husbands... but out of OUR LOVE FOR GOD, Who is worth pleasing always, even when others aren’t or we don’t feel like it. (I think that’s really freeing, by the way. It means that my husband doesn’t have to deserve it, and that I don’t have to feel like it, to show it. That also means I am always without excuse. The exciting thing is, attitudes often follow actions!) 

And how do we (hopefully) obey God? Joyfully, not in a self-pitying manner. God thought up this whole thing called “marriage,” so I'm pretty sure He knows exactly what makes it work best!

I’ve only been married three months. This is all easy for me to say, I grant; though I’ve always been saying it, even as a teen. I practiced with my dad. And it is I who will need to challenge myself, for all my life. The level of respect shown to husbands – not only out in the world and our pathetic Western culture, but in the church - has always bothered and nauseated me. Note that I said RESPECT. We're not talking about mere kindness, or even love.

We have got to be careful – in a proactive, intentional way – that our messed-up, radical feminist culture and our own rebellious flesh do not set the standard for our behavior toward our husbands. 

This is huge! 

Everything we feed on, it seems, carries this disease and makes it seem both normal and amusing. It would be tragic to allow such things to rob us of a beautiful marriage relationship and, worse, the fullness of closeness with God that can be experienced when things are right in our other relationships. 

We can’t privately belittle, disregard, ignore, order around, spiritually manipulate, make fun of, run over, publicly call out, argue or be cold and stubborn with our husbands and at the same time think that we and God are as tight as we’re going to get.

In other words... this is a big deal.

"Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." [Ephesians 5:33]

I mean... this is the WORD OF GOD we're talking about.

Why is it that in our culture, it's funny to disrespect men, including one's own husband... but it's a jerk move not to love and treasure one's wife? When did unconditional love ever take precedence over unconditional respect?

Maybe because we have this warped idea that women need love like their lifeblood, but men don't need respect. And to that I ask, says who??

Where the heck did that come from?

(Well. Don't start me on an anti-radical-feminist tirade just yet.)

These aren't deep solutions or strategies right now... just thoughts. But I think we all need time with our thoughts and with God to get serious about changing habits, especially when it involves standing against what happens to be the vast majority perspective.

Now just watch... In the next two minutes, inside of me there may well up a less-than-rosy attitude about something my husband says-- proving to myself two things: That I have a flesh, and that God cares enough about my growth to humble me. Regularly.......