"In acceptance lieth peace."

She who laments her singleness or married-ness, 

children or lack of children, 

finances or lack of finances, 

overabundance or absence of work,

busyness or lack of busyness,

happiness or lack of happiness, 

"calling" or lack of "calling,"

"too"-spiritually-focused husband or completely ungodly husband... 

...She has not come to know peace. She has not yet realized that each season of life is a gift of God--always either allowed by God or GIVEN by God, who knows precisely what each of us needs. This is an incredible fact... Why doesn't it inspire gratitude and joy!?

…Maybe because we don’t really believe it. Not of every circumstance, anyway.

Emotions are God-given (some of them), but they are not our god.

Contentment is a priceless thing. To long for what is not, is to miss what is. And that "is" has been allowed or orchestrated BY GOD. For some purpose. Our spiritual act of worship is to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. Period. This says nothing about location or circumstances. 

~ thoughts and notes to self today

More Love

North Korea. 1950’s.

For years, Pastor Kim and 27 of his flock of Korean saints had lived in hand dug tunnels beneath the earth. Then, as communists were building a road, they discovered the Christians living under ground. 

The officials brought them out before a crowd of 30,000 in the village of Gok San for public trial and execution. They were told, “Deny Christ or you will die.” They refused. 

At this point, the head communist officer ordered four children from the group sized and had them prepared for hanging. With ropes tied around their small necks, the officer again commanded the parents to deny Christ.  

Not one of the believers would deny their faith. They told the children, “We will see you soon in heaven.” The children died quietly.  

The officer then called for a steam roller to be brought in. He forced the Christians to lie on the ground in its path. As its engine revved, they were given one last chance to recant their faith in Jesus. Again they refused. 

As the steam roller began to inch forward, the Christians began to sing a song they had often sung together. As their bones and bodies were crushed under the pressure of the massive rollers, their lips uttered the words: 

“More love to thee, O Christ, more love to thee. Thee alone I seek, more love to thee. Let sorrow do it’s work, more love to thee. Then shall my latest breath whisper Thy praise. This be the parting cry my heart shall raise; More love, O Christ, to thee.” 

The execution was reported in the North Korean press as an act of suppressing superstition. 

(Reference: “Jesus Freaks” by DC Talk & Voice of the Martyrs pp. 125.)

Such love. Tears fill my eyes.

More love to You, Jesus. More love to You. Is this all our hearts ache for? How do I, how can I, show that kind of love in my present circumstances?

Can we, today, perhaps risk looking like a freak... can we refuse to watch a movie we know is full of stuff Jesus died for, saying, "More love to Thee, Jesus. I love You more than I love fitting in or my flesh or entertainment."?

Can we refuse to laugh, not in a pious way, but out of humble love, when others joke about sin or in a demeaning way about their husbands? "More love to Thee. I love you more than my reputation."

Can we bite our tongues and right our attitudes when we just want to win a verbal argument? "More love to Thee. You died to make unity and love among believers."

Can we forgive someone who does not deserve it, whispering, "More love to Thee. I forgive because You forgave me an unforgivable debt."?

Can we ignore everything else we want to do, shut off our screaming brains for a bit, and spend time talking with Jesus and going to His Word to meet Him... often?

I daresay we must.

More love. More love to Thee.

Horrifying Dreams.

A couple of mornings ago, I awoke after dreaming (for what felt like the entire night) about being hunted down like an animal. The worst thing was that there were others being pursued, too. With me were members of my family, friends and other believers. We were hiding in the cracks and crevasses of stone walls, near dumpsters in back alleys, abandoned basements. We were running out of locations and ways to conceal ourselves.

It wasn't wartime, and it wasn't in another country. It was in the U.S.

They were not random criminals, but those employed by the government - the established laws of the land - who were coming after us.

I knew somehow that their intent was to execute us, but only after a great deal of torture and digging for information.

And I knew for a fact that it was because I had broken some law because of my belief in Jesus. Maybe owning a Bible, maybe praying with people. Maybe, just being a Christian.

As a child, I once had a dream which I cringe even to share. In this dream, again, Christians were being persecuted-- in this case, butchered by being sawed in half. You may think that I watched one too many horror movies, except that we didn't watch movies when I was a kid. Much later, I read a passage in Hebrews chapter 11 that described what some believers had endured for holding on to their faith in Jesus, with the same word pictures:

"They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented..."

Whether this account took place in the time of Antiochus or perhaps Manasseh, we know that Christians around the world suffer like this every day. America is pretty much the last physically safe place for Christians. Reality is that the rest of the world deals with this; we're one of the only countries which does not currently experience discrimination and physical persecution as the norm and reality. The reputation, favor and "rights" we have enjoyed for centuries, however, are quickly disappearing.

Dreams and thoughts like this are not the least bit comfortable. They're absolutely frightening. But they should not fill us with dread of the future. They should propel us into the arms of Jesus.

To where else can we go?

These miserable dreams got me thinking about my own heart and where I stand. It is always healthy to have a reality check and ask ourselves tough questions, no matter where we stand with God. Our flesh is and will always, always be prone to wander away from Him.

My thoughts on this mirror ones I wrote on this blog previously, and serve to remind myself of those I put in the post "The Quest For Love:"

When I was growing up, I read a few stories from Foxe's Book of Martyrs. I still regularly read the Voice of the Martyrs magazine. I used to wonder what it was that kept such Christians faithful through gruesome torture and death. I admired what I assumed was their steely willpower.

Willpower doesn't do that - everyone has a breaking point! Memorization and indoctrination cannot do that... torture can wear down every human faculty. Love does that. Not theoretical love, but actual love. How many of us would die for something we don't know to be true? How many of us, outside of the military sense, would readily die for a total stranger? How about someone we'd met once? Now how about family, or a close friend? I'd give my very life for my little brother. My mom, or my dad. An Egyptian girl I know, who is like a sister to me . (Just as examples.) Why? They're not just names. I LOVE them. I know them.

It's possible to be acquainted with the Lord, to be saved by Him, yet not know Him (how sad!) "Have I been so long with you, and yet hast thou not known me?," Jesus asked Philip.

We have got to know Jesus. If we don't, why in the world do we bother with the religious rigamarole? What, then, does the concept of heaven even hold for us? What is the point of being "saved" - to spend eternity with someone we do not know, much less love?? "Your love is better than life," the Psalmist, David, says. Wow! Think about that literally (the Bible does mean every word of what it says). Do we have that kind of "attachment" to God? God holds in His heart the deepest possible, beyond imaginable love for us, but He does not force it on us. We have to want it. We have to seek Him. Psalm 145:18 says, "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." That's not a "maybe"... it's a promise!

By the way, trusting someone comes easily once you really know them. I wouldn't ask that you trust a stranger. God doesn't, either. I trust Him with my life [...] because I trust Him - trust Him to do what really is best for me, not what I think is best for myself. How could I not!? Is it not tragic that we claim to live for a God with whom we refuse to entrust our circumstances?? 

...There is a space, deep in the heart of every human being, which cannot be filled even by a spouse. There is a love we crave with every ounce of our aching souls, regardless of whether or not we're painfully aware of it. A space which can only be filled by God himself. And so often, even we Christians mistake it for a longing for the human love we chase, not realizing that even once we attain it we will be unfulfilled. We were made for something so much more: something perfect. And once we have it, I don't see how there could be any going back. Everything else really does, of a sudden, pale in stark contrast.  

Does that sound like hollow spiritual rhetoric? It did to me, once upon a time. It always does, until it becomes personal and tangible.

Tears fill my eyes at the thought of how many "followers of Christ" have never experienced Him... never gotten close to Him as to a closest friend or a Father... indeed, never known Him. 

Some Christians go to church a few times a year. The good ones, every Sunday. The really great ones volunteer during the week and get involved in ministry, or go on missions trips, right? Even at home they study the Bible, but as they would a textbook, and utter one-way prayers into the air, like a ritual. 

I've been there.

Is that it? Is that worth it? Isn't a relationship two-way?

How many of us have a personal God? How many of us can say, with every possible bit of sincerity, that He is our closest friend, the One we most want to please and most hate to disappoint - that there is nothing and no one we love more? It's one thing to say it. It's another thing to actually feel it, and yet another to fully know it.

Yes, we've got to plug into good, solid, Bible-teaching churches, and have our "quiet time" or "devos" or whatever you personally call it. Yes, we've got to be careful about what we watch, listen to, and otherwise feed on so that we don't pollute our minds and hearts with junk and make ourselves numb to sin. Yes, we've got to share the Gospel from personal testimony with our friends, neighbors, acquaintances. And yes, we've got to surround ourselves with other believers who love Jesus and actually talk about Him and His Word and our struggles together so that we will grow and strengthen and flourish in Him. But it's got to be even more than that. It's got to be all of ourselves, and by that I mean our hearts. It's got to be real. Nobody dies for something or someone they cannot swear is real.

The part-time Christianity thing is like part-time breathing!

Is this hard? YES! It's more than that. It is impossible with the Holy Spirit of God. And it will not even seem worth it unless we are in a genuine relationship with Jesus-- I speak from personal experience.

If you have the desire to know Jesus more and just don't make it a priority, the time is now. Things will not get easier, they will get harder. Our flesh and the Spirit fight a vicious battle til the day we die; if we quit even trying, we're giving up ground, not just calling truce for awhile.

[I know how hard it can be! Yesterday morning I had plenty of time, so I convinced myself I needed to listen to this one song on YouTube at the beginning of my quiet time. ...Which was phenomenal, edifying and would have been really great, except that then somehow (still don't know how), I ended up on Facebook. ("She what!?" Yes. I'm an idiot.) Did I seriously just tell Jesus He had to wait?? For Facebook?!? I would never say that. But I did it. (This is why my quiet time is normally the first thing. Otherwise, the days starts and all of a sudden there's no time.)]

If you've been play-acting, maybe it's time to stop. It's easy to act the part and even think it's real when you've grown up in a Christian home or it's all you've ever known. I knew a girl a few years back who recently posted on her blog that she has finally "broken up with God," which she considers to have been "an abusive relationship." She watched as her other Christian friends enjoyed deep, real relationships with God, but for all of her praying and Bible-reading, did not experience it herself. She resents the lifestyle she has led, because it has been an act.

My initial tears and aching heart on her behalf (and grief over God's character being so maligned) were tempered by Joey reminding me that it's a step in the right direction. She has become honest with herself about where she stands with God. She's no longer pretending. And for that I have thanked God.

We cannot surround ourselves with the things of this world, put time into knowing God on the side, and expect that He's going to give us this massive, overwhelming love for Himself. He doesn't just special-deliver a box marked, "Awesome relationship with Me" one day. If you have no desire to really know Him, ask Him for it! Ask other believers to ask Him for it for you! Pursue Him. Maybe (this is gutsy), ask Him to use whatever it takes to make you desperate for Him.

By way of lengthy conclusion...:

One good thing I have witnessed about persecution is this: It brings the believer face-to-face, raw and real-time, with what he does or does not believe. It's one thing to go through the motions when all it means is looking like a good Christian in America. But when looking like a Christian means you stick your neck straight out onto the chopping block, well, you think twice about whether or not you consider Jesus to be worth it.

I don't believe that anyone gets through gruesome persecution and torture on one's own. I fully believe that God gives grace and strength in the moment. Which means that our job is to be connected to our God. We have to "abide in the Vine." When all is said and done, He is the only thing worth living for. He is the only reality.

Which means that Facebook can wait. So can whatever we have planned. Let's spend some time with Jesus.

Wife stuff that bothers me.

Fellow wives, soon-to-be wives, and may-be-wives-in-the-future (in other words, every woman out there): 

Do you realize we are called, commanded, to “reverence” our husbands? REVERENCE. So I’m thinking about the word, “revere," and the fact that it goes beyond niceness, grudging obedience, even love.

A thousand times I've heard this: “You don’t know him… he doesn’t deserve to be reverenced.”

Of course he doesn’t.

You and I don’t deserve to be loved sacrificially, unconditionally, AS CHRIST HIMSELF LOVED THE CHURCH and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER, either. Yet that is what husbands are called to.

“Well he doesn’t love me like that. He’s not holding up his end of the deal.”

Does that make it harder, sometimes seemingly impossible? For sure. But does it actually matter? Is that what we’re going to tell God when we stand before Him one day? I sure don't have the guts for that. We are responsible only for the commands given us, not the commands given to our husbands.

In the military, you show a particular level of respect for your authorities not because they deserve it – they often don’t – but because there is a higher regulation, put in place for many good reasons, that says so. Well, I feel like we as believers have it easier. 

Why? 

We are called to show that respect and submission to our husbands not just out of adherence to some steely regulation, in fact, not only out of our love for our husbands... but out of OUR LOVE FOR GOD, Who is worth pleasing always, even when others aren’t or we don’t feel like it. (I think that’s really freeing, by the way. It means that my husband doesn’t have to deserve it, and that I don’t have to feel like it, to show it. That also means I am always without excuse. The exciting thing is, attitudes often follow actions!) 

And how do we (hopefully) obey God? Joyfully, not in a self-pitying manner. God thought up this whole thing called “marriage,” so I'm pretty sure He knows exactly what makes it work best!

I’ve only been married three months. This is all easy for me to say, I grant; though I’ve always been saying it, even as a teen. I practiced with my dad. And it is I who will need to challenge myself, for all my life. The level of respect shown to husbands – not only out in the world and our pathetic Western culture, but in the church - has always bothered and nauseated me. Note that I said RESPECT. We're not talking about mere kindness, or even love.

We have got to be careful – in a proactive, intentional way – that our messed-up, radical feminist culture and our own rebellious flesh do not set the standard for our behavior toward our husbands. 

This is huge! 

Everything we feed on, it seems, carries this disease and makes it seem both normal and amusing. It would be tragic to allow such things to rob us of a beautiful marriage relationship and, worse, the fullness of closeness with God that can be experienced when things are right in our other relationships. 

We can’t privately belittle, disregard, ignore, order around, spiritually manipulate, make fun of, run over, publicly call out, argue or be cold and stubborn with our husbands and at the same time think that we and God are as tight as we’re going to get.

In other words... this is a big deal.

"Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." [Ephesians 5:33]

I mean... this is the WORD OF GOD we're talking about.

Why is it that in our culture, it's funny to disrespect men, including one's own husband... but it's a jerk move not to love and treasure one's wife? When did unconditional love ever take precedence over unconditional respect?

Maybe because we have this warped idea that women need love like their lifeblood, but men don't need respect. And to that I ask, says who??

Where the heck did that come from?

(Well. Don't start me on an anti-radical-feminist tirade just yet.)

These aren't deep solutions or strategies right now... just thoughts. But I think we all need time with our thoughts and with God to get serious about changing habits, especially when it involves standing against what happens to be the vast majority perspective.

Now just watch... In the next two minutes, inside of me there may well up a less-than-rosy attitude about something my husband says-- proving to myself two things: That I have a flesh, and that God cares enough about my growth to humble me. Regularly.......