Anyway, you’re wondering why this blog has ever existed, and why I'm continuing now. Well, let me first tell you bluntly that while I love writing, I have generally thumbed my nose at the idea of blogging.
First, it’s completely narcissistic – when a person has a blog, what does it revolve around? The person of “ME.” All one promotes, even through wholesome and uplifting sharing, is SELF. Though a blog can point to good things along the way, the best of them are embarrassingly self-obsessed. MY thoughts, MY ideas, MY feelings, MY life, MY accomplishments, and worst of all, MY image. Most blogs I have seen are embarrassing facades, rosy portrayals of the lives of much-less-than-rosy individuals (which – let’s face it – is all of us). Second, it requires that we make the arrogant assumption that anyone actually cares greatly enough to read about the ups, downs and self-flattering details and of our lives.
I want to be raw and transparent with you. Not necessarily with every gory detail of my life and heart – but that in what I share, there is no pretense, no trying to make myself look good, no sham, no nicely-crafted, boxed-up, beautified version of my life so that people look at it and go, “Oooohh! You’re so great! So lovely! So wise, so inspiring, so perfect!” And under their breaths, or at least in their hearts, ”…Unlike me…”
No, friend. We are all human, we all struggle even once redeemed (moreso, really), we are all so ugly at the core that it’s a good thing we can’t see the depths of our hearts that God can. BUT GOD has given us victory. We do have the reality of His power within us. And that… THAT is worth proclaiming.
But here’s how this whole idea came about. It’s as simple as this: every day I see my King do things to me and for me that I don’t deserve. Constantly I see myself struggle and receive His help, grace upon grace, only to doubt Him just a little when He seems distant; only to become frustrated when I can’t see at the moment how every trial within my life (and without it) is allowed by Him and has a specific purpose.
Then I hit my knees and the tears flow, and I give up completely and fall back in love with Him. More every single day. My faithfulness to Him is a travesty - an up-and-down, inconsistent rollercoaster of loyalty that seems more to parallel the circumstances of my life than His character and nature.
And yet He is faithful. I KNOW that He is, I trust Him now whether I can see the purpose and next step or not. His goodness is a fact. His love is a fact. So is His faithfulness. Regardless of what happens.
At any rate, I want this blog to be a testimony to Him. Not to me, not even only to what He’s done and doing in MY life, but HIM. What’s a “testimony,” anyway? Well, it’s that. It’s me being so overwhelmed and overflowing with gratitude and awe over what He does and who He is that I can’t help but tell other people about it. I want you to truly know the God I have come to know! There is nothing sweeter!
Anyone can argue with the Bible, the Gospel, the best of apologists, Truth itself. But you cannot argue personal testimony. I know who I once was, and I know who I am now. And the only explanation is Jesus.
He. Is. Worthy.
No comments:
Post a Comment