Thoughts on the twenty-one who wear white robes.

"Let me tell you about the Christians of Egypt."

That's what I wanted to write about and reflect upon; to encourage and inspire my fellow believers with what I have seen in action, because it is more real than we comprehend when we only see it in the news.  I lived in Egypt for a significant period of time.  It was my privilege to sit in their churches, share in their communion, walk their streets, live their life, call it mine, and be called "Egyptian" by my brothers and sisters.  For so many reasons, I want to brag on the reality of the faith of the Christians there.  We could learn much from their example and have our perspective greatly improved by it.  It is very different from anything you may have ever seen.

But it will have to wait.  Right now, I am overcome with too many other thoughts.  So here they are, just thinking out loud, raw and open.

I am full of heartache.

Twenty-one Egyptians went to Libya simply to make a living.  Twenty-one seemingly common men.  Kidnapped by Jihadists, slaughtered to send a message to the rest of the Egyptian Coptic Church ("the nation of the cross") and the world.

I am full of heartache because these were sons, husbands, fathers... their heads severed on video; the water and the shore turned red with their blood.  They will never in this life see their families again.  They left young wives, children, and parents who will have to do life now without them.  It's heart-rending.  Grief unspeakable.

I am overflowing with joy and with love.

I am overflowing because the testimony left by the parents and wives of these men is bullet-proof.  The forgiveness they have shown toward the killers of their loved ones... the sheer joy they have exuded over the knowledge that Heaven is their new home... even the pride about the fact that all these men from their village were strong until the end and died for Jesus... It makes no sense because it is Christlike.  It is other-worldly.  It is Heavenly.

"And they overcame him [Satan] because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives even when faced with death."  (Rev 12:11)

"These [men] insisted to remain in unbelief," read the caption on the video.  Every one of these men had the chance to convert rather than die, and every one of them chose to die rather than dishonor their Savior.  Even with knives at their throats, they called out to the Lord Jesus who they knew they would be meeting soon.

I am overflowing.  There is hardly anything so sweet as pure faith in Jesus.  "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." (Psalm 115:16)

I am angry.

I am angry because while twenty-one precious believers were forced to the sand, their heads sawed off brutally with knives, all America could talk about was Fifty Shades of Grey.  Fifty Shades.  Of freaking.  Grey.  A movie that glorifies and celebrates violence, abuse, and rape.  A movie whose leading actors admit to hating themselves for even acting it out.  I want to tear my hair out by the roots.  My heart is sick.  So is my stomach.  Because all the body of Christ can do is argue about how the the worst thing you could possibly do is to be "judgy" about the movie.  All Christians can do is point the finger back at their brothers and sisters and say, "We have enough of our own problems!  How dare you get angry about this movie."  And that's just the Christians who aren't going to see the movie themselves.

Let me tell you something, American Christians.  Egyptian Christians would be shocked out of their minds to know that this movie does not anger you.  To know that too many of you would even consider seeing it.  In my mind's eye I can vividly see the faces of my close friends there... the blood draining from their mortified faces.  Confused.  Unable to believe that anyone claiming to follow Jesus could in any way justify not being outraged over such things.  They would be embarrassed even to talk about it.

I am angry because of the continual, unbelievable lies spewed and spread by our government.  The statement issued by the White House did not acknowledge that the victims were Christians.  The White House will not even use the term "radical Islam" because including Islam at all "would not be accurate."  Apparently, we may call it "terrorism," but it is terrorism that the leader of the free world says is "randomly" perpetrated.  People in that part of the world think he's a joke-- that he's either extremely ignorant, or a total liar.

Don't you dare tell us that this has nothing to do with religion when these Jihadists state, with every beheading, that they kill for the sake of Allah.  And don't you dare try to cover up the fact that this is persecution in its most obvious form.  The video was addressed to Egyptian Copts.  It was titled, "A Message Signed With Blood To The Nation of The Cross."  But, according to our government, it has nothing to do with targeting Christians.

This is absolutely nothing new.  But it is still disgusting.  The Church is called to endure persecution.  The government is called to end injustice.  God will hold every man accountable.

I am angry and concerned not only about the carnality and the easily-excused sin issues in our Western churches, but also about the sheer banality with which we seem to be so contented.  We spend morbid amounts of time on entertainment, alarming amounts of money on stuff we don't truly need, and a mortifying amount of energy making ourselves more happy and comfortable.  I'm angry about the status quo with which we are so comfortable.  How very wrapped up we are in mind-numbingly pointless discussions... activities... movies... humor... pastimes... celebrities... gossip... things that in the end of all things and in eternity simply. don't. matter.

It angers me that we throw around the term, "persecuted," and don't really understand it; that we all pay attention to the "big" incidents like this-- "wake-up calls," we call them-- but in between times, we forget all about the fact that our brothers and sisters are suffering around the world on a daily basis.  This is not some grand wake-up call, Christians.  Things like this, and far worse, have been happening ever since Lucifer pitted himself against God.  All throughout human history.  We may not be living through them in this particular country at this particular time, but we are utterly surrounded by such things.

Here's a question for us to ponder:  "What if it was me?"  What if it was my husband who was slaughtered on the southern shore of the Mediterranean?  What if my little boy's life was threatened before my eyes in an attempt to get me to deny my Savior?  I feel like we always read these stories about persecution and react with, "That's so sad!"  And we follow it up with, "I could never..." or, "I know I'd never have the courage..."  Why do we react like that?  Here's another question, if you find yourself thinking that way:  "What in my life needs to change?"  Why am I not at that place where I love Jesus so much and know Him so well that I would be certain of Heaven with a knife at my throat?  Why is my heart not so full of His forgiveness that I could extend that forgiveness to another?

It angers and saddens me that if the the time we spent with our fellow believers was truly "fellowship," few would actually enjoy it.  That if, when having other Christians over for dinner, we spent most of the evening in prayer, singing, worship, or actual edification, it would come off as weird.  Awkward.  Definitely unconventional.  Not a time of great joy and happiness and praising God-- the one thing that we would claim brings us together.  I promise you that the reason Jesus was on the lips of these twenty-one saints as their throats were slit is because they knew Him.  They loved Him; they lived for Him.  He was and is their Life.  He was real to them both in their quiet times and when gathered with their friends.  I miss that about the church in Egypt; miss living with my Christian friends and Jesus being so central.  I miss it with every beat of my heart.

I am full to the brim with hope.

I am hopeful, not in the way we commonly think of "hoping" as if it were a wish... not as when we say that "hopefully" something will happen.  I'm hopeful in the way that the epistles describe "our hope"-- certainty.  Complete and utter certainty about what is to come.

I am hopeful when I read the Book of Revelation.  I absolutely love that book.  I could read it every day and derive endless bounds of joy and hope and purpose because it gives us the big-picture perspective of the eternal.  We KNOW, people.  Unlike anyone who does not have our hope, we know what happens in the end!  Nothing should be a surprise to us in the meantime.  Things gets confusing and shocking when we start looking through our tiny, everyday-perspective lens too much.  There is nothing that is not going according to the overall, eternal plan.  God is not confused or shocked.

I am hopeful because torture and physical death cannot kill the soul.  It cannot kill love.  It cannot kill faith.  It cannot kill the resolve of Jesus followers-- it never has, and it never will.  Death, and all of Satan's armies, cannot kill the absolute certainty of God's cosmic plan for the ages and the fact that it will be accomplished.  It is irrevocably written into the story of the ages that Satan will be destroyed in the most majestic and epic war story of all time.  For now there is suffering, but never forget this:  Satan and all the enemies of God are going down in an event that will  be so much more than apocalyptic.

I am hopeful because even as Christians are killed, even as the Gospel is perverted, even as false teachers rise up and deceive millions, even though many who think they are Christians are not and successfully lead others astray... even as Satan is given reign over this world for a time, God is not mocked.  The Gospel is still going out, and people are still being saved.  His people are still His and He knows who they are.

Amid the tears, agony, injustice, and grief, there is joy, redemption, beauty, and a whole lot of hope.  There is still much to be done before Jesus' return, and it is only God's mercy and patience that allow more time for anyone who will believe to believe in Him and become a child of His.

Christians, we are all given different gifts and roles in life, but we all share the same purpose.  Let us stay connected closely to our Life source, fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith.  Let us live every day to hear the sweetest words we could ever hear from our Father:  "Well done, good and faithful servant."

"The fields are white  unto harvest."

"Even so, come, Lord Jesus!"

Horrifying Dreams.

A couple of mornings ago, I awoke after dreaming (for what felt like the entire night) about being hunted down like an animal. The worst thing was that there were others being pursued, too. With me were members of my family, friends and other believers. We were hiding in the cracks and crevasses of stone walls, near dumpsters in back alleys, abandoned basements. We were running out of locations and ways to conceal ourselves.

It wasn't wartime, and it wasn't in another country. It was in the U.S.

They were not random criminals, but those employed by the government - the established laws of the land - who were coming after us.

I knew somehow that their intent was to execute us, but only after a great deal of torture and digging for information.

And I knew for a fact that it was because I had broken some law because of my belief in Jesus. Maybe owning a Bible, maybe praying with people. Maybe, just being a Christian.

As a child, I once had a dream which I cringe even to share. In this dream, again, Christians were being persecuted-- in this case, butchered by being sawed in half. You may think that I watched one too many horror movies, except that we didn't watch movies when I was a kid. Much later, I read a passage in Hebrews chapter 11 that described what some believers had endured for holding on to their faith in Jesus, with the same word pictures:

"They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented..."

Whether this account took place in the time of Antiochus or perhaps Manasseh, we know that Christians around the world suffer like this every day. America is pretty much the last physically safe place for Christians. Reality is that the rest of the world deals with this; we're one of the only countries which does not currently experience discrimination and physical persecution as the norm and reality. The reputation, favor and "rights" we have enjoyed for centuries, however, are quickly disappearing.

Dreams and thoughts like this are not the least bit comfortable. They're absolutely frightening. But they should not fill us with dread of the future. They should propel us into the arms of Jesus.

To where else can we go?

These miserable dreams got me thinking about my own heart and where I stand. It is always healthy to have a reality check and ask ourselves tough questions, no matter where we stand with God. Our flesh is and will always, always be prone to wander away from Him.

My thoughts on this mirror ones I wrote on this blog previously, and serve to remind myself of those I put in the post "The Quest For Love:"

When I was growing up, I read a few stories from Foxe's Book of Martyrs. I still regularly read the Voice of the Martyrs magazine. I used to wonder what it was that kept such Christians faithful through gruesome torture and death. I admired what I assumed was their steely willpower.

Willpower doesn't do that - everyone has a breaking point! Memorization and indoctrination cannot do that... torture can wear down every human faculty. Love does that. Not theoretical love, but actual love. How many of us would die for something we don't know to be true? How many of us, outside of the military sense, would readily die for a total stranger? How about someone we'd met once? Now how about family, or a close friend? I'd give my very life for my little brother. My mom, or my dad. An Egyptian girl I know, who is like a sister to me . (Just as examples.) Why? They're not just names. I LOVE them. I know them.

It's possible to be acquainted with the Lord, to be saved by Him, yet not know Him (how sad!) "Have I been so long with you, and yet hast thou not known me?," Jesus asked Philip.

We have got to know Jesus. If we don't, why in the world do we bother with the religious rigamarole? What, then, does the concept of heaven even hold for us? What is the point of being "saved" - to spend eternity with someone we do not know, much less love?? "Your love is better than life," the Psalmist, David, says. Wow! Think about that literally (the Bible does mean every word of what it says). Do we have that kind of "attachment" to God? God holds in His heart the deepest possible, beyond imaginable love for us, but He does not force it on us. We have to want it. We have to seek Him. Psalm 145:18 says, "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." James 4:8 says, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." That's not a "maybe"... it's a promise!

By the way, trusting someone comes easily once you really know them. I wouldn't ask that you trust a stranger. God doesn't, either. I trust Him with my life [...] because I trust Him - trust Him to do what really is best for me, not what I think is best for myself. How could I not!? Is it not tragic that we claim to live for a God with whom we refuse to entrust our circumstances?? 

...There is a space, deep in the heart of every human being, which cannot be filled even by a spouse. There is a love we crave with every ounce of our aching souls, regardless of whether or not we're painfully aware of it. A space which can only be filled by God himself. And so often, even we Christians mistake it for a longing for the human love we chase, not realizing that even once we attain it we will be unfulfilled. We were made for something so much more: something perfect. And once we have it, I don't see how there could be any going back. Everything else really does, of a sudden, pale in stark contrast.  

Does that sound like hollow spiritual rhetoric? It did to me, once upon a time. It always does, until it becomes personal and tangible.

Tears fill my eyes at the thought of how many "followers of Christ" have never experienced Him... never gotten close to Him as to a closest friend or a Father... indeed, never known Him. 

Some Christians go to church a few times a year. The good ones, every Sunday. The really great ones volunteer during the week and get involved in ministry, or go on missions trips, right? Even at home they study the Bible, but as they would a textbook, and utter one-way prayers into the air, like a ritual. 

I've been there.

Is that it? Is that worth it? Isn't a relationship two-way?

How many of us have a personal God? How many of us can say, with every possible bit of sincerity, that He is our closest friend, the One we most want to please and most hate to disappoint - that there is nothing and no one we love more? It's one thing to say it. It's another thing to actually feel it, and yet another to fully know it.

Yes, we've got to plug into good, solid, Bible-teaching churches, and have our "quiet time" or "devos" or whatever you personally call it. Yes, we've got to be careful about what we watch, listen to, and otherwise feed on so that we don't pollute our minds and hearts with junk and make ourselves numb to sin. Yes, we've got to share the Gospel from personal testimony with our friends, neighbors, acquaintances. And yes, we've got to surround ourselves with other believers who love Jesus and actually talk about Him and His Word and our struggles together so that we will grow and strengthen and flourish in Him. But it's got to be even more than that. It's got to be all of ourselves, and by that I mean our hearts. It's got to be real. Nobody dies for something or someone they cannot swear is real.

The part-time Christianity thing is like part-time breathing!

Is this hard? YES! It's more than that. It is impossible with the Holy Spirit of God. And it will not even seem worth it unless we are in a genuine relationship with Jesus-- I speak from personal experience.

If you have the desire to know Jesus more and just don't make it a priority, the time is now. Things will not get easier, they will get harder. Our flesh and the Spirit fight a vicious battle til the day we die; if we quit even trying, we're giving up ground, not just calling truce for awhile.

[I know how hard it can be! Yesterday morning I had plenty of time, so I convinced myself I needed to listen to this one song on YouTube at the beginning of my quiet time. ...Which was phenomenal, edifying and would have been really great, except that then somehow (still don't know how), I ended up on Facebook. ("She what!?" Yes. I'm an idiot.) Did I seriously just tell Jesus He had to wait?? For Facebook?!? I would never say that. But I did it. (This is why my quiet time is normally the first thing. Otherwise, the days starts and all of a sudden there's no time.)]

If you've been play-acting, maybe it's time to stop. It's easy to act the part and even think it's real when you've grown up in a Christian home or it's all you've ever known. I knew a girl a few years back who recently posted on her blog that she has finally "broken up with God," which she considers to have been "an abusive relationship." She watched as her other Christian friends enjoyed deep, real relationships with God, but for all of her praying and Bible-reading, did not experience it herself. She resents the lifestyle she has led, because it has been an act.

My initial tears and aching heart on her behalf (and grief over God's character being so maligned) were tempered by Joey reminding me that it's a step in the right direction. She has become honest with herself about where she stands with God. She's no longer pretending. And for that I have thanked God.

We cannot surround ourselves with the things of this world, put time into knowing God on the side, and expect that He's going to give us this massive, overwhelming love for Himself. He doesn't just special-deliver a box marked, "Awesome relationship with Me" one day. If you have no desire to really know Him, ask Him for it! Ask other believers to ask Him for it for you! Pursue Him. Maybe (this is gutsy), ask Him to use whatever it takes to make you desperate for Him.

By way of lengthy conclusion...:

One good thing I have witnessed about persecution is this: It brings the believer face-to-face, raw and real-time, with what he does or does not believe. It's one thing to go through the motions when all it means is looking like a good Christian in America. But when looking like a Christian means you stick your neck straight out onto the chopping block, well, you think twice about whether or not you consider Jesus to be worth it.

I don't believe that anyone gets through gruesome persecution and torture on one's own. I fully believe that God gives grace and strength in the moment. Which means that our job is to be connected to our God. We have to "abide in the Vine." When all is said and done, He is the only thing worth living for. He is the only reality.

Which means that Facebook can wait. So can whatever we have planned. Let's spend some time with Jesus.